Woman to woman, would you agree that sometimes (okay, a lot of times) we have a lot of requests that we would like to see our men meet.
If only he were more romantic, told you he loved you more, took you out more often, made you feel special, stopped leaving the toilet seat up….if only he ______, he'd be perfect!
I've been having a LOT of relationship convos lately and this has been the common theme.
So is there a difference between having high but acceptable standards and asking too much? And if so, where exactly do you draw the line?
My short answer is, YES, there is a difference. Having high standards is perfectly acceptable when you are willing to give as much if not more than you expect from him. Where I draw the line is when you ask him for the world, making him prove that he's worth it before you show him the best of who you are.
Now, let's dissect this a little more.
Let's begin with the idea that having unreasonably high standards may be asking for too much. I mean, if there were amazing men lining up at your doorstep, it would be a lot easier to decide if a few minor flaws were worth dealing with. But finding a good man can feel like a "Where's Waldo" hunt, and letting one man go doesn't guarantee that you'll find someone better. It's a little bit of a risk.
The long answer isn't as cut and dry, but by answering the following questions, you may have a better idea if you're asking too much from your man….
1. Are you making excuses to stay in a bad relationship by saying that your needs are not reasonable?
Are you in a relationship that has long outdone its welcome? Your man has checked out emotionally and it feels like you are the only one who cares? If this situation hits close to home, there might be a communication barrier. You may feel like you're asking too much because he's not responding when you try to talk, and it's easier to stay silent than to sound like a nag. It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed, but things definitely need to change.
2. Are you making excuses to get out of a relationship that has great potential because of your own fears?
One of my biggest relationship fears was being left after pouring my heart into a man. I very often would sabotage a relationship by finding something wrong and continually focusing on it until it drove me to break up with him. I didn't realize why I was doing this (or even that I WAS doing it) until I started to take an honest look at myself and my dating history. Once I saw this pattern, I was able to notice when I fell back into the behavior and catch myself looking for things that were missing instead of focusing on the good things that these men possessed.
If you were able to honestly answer "no" to both of these questions, it probably means that you are in a healthy relationship with a decent guy who may have a few rough edges. Communicate your needs in a non-confronting, loving way, and see if he's receptive. He may really want to work on it with you, and in the long run it could bring you closer together.
And if he's not willing to give you something you absolutely must have, be strong enough to let him go.
